It will surprise you how long six seconds will last when you know that you that you’re going to die. Time ceases to exist and you’d swear that those six seconds will last forever. I remember little before those final six seconds. I remember Matthew’s warm smile and loud music fading to a gentle pulse behind us. His last kiss tasted like his favorite brand of cigarettes and ginger ale. His bare fingers were surprisingly warm around my neck in this New Year’s winter weather.
Our lips broke apart when someone cleared their throat. I looked up into Jeffery’s sharp blue eyes. Jeffery, a quiet boy that I had once thought I could love before I realized he was completely empty. It seemed as though I meant nothing to him; like I was there only as a small pet beat you when you grow weary of its disobedience. I thought he could never love me but judging by the gun in his hand and the look in his eyes I guessed that I was wrong.
I do not know what was said, only a little about Matthew ruining Jeffery’s life. I only know the look in Jeffery’s eyes; mad with heartbreak and jealousy. I felt the sting of pity that had trapped me before and then Jeffery raised his gun to Matthew’s chest.
I didn’t think, my body moved before I could remember telling it too. I threw myself into Matthew’s arms and felt the sting of fire and metal pierce through my back. I gave a small, breathless sound that might’ve been a laugh. A laugh at what, I don’t remember but I know it was a small laugh.
The entire winter seems to fall silent at that very moment. I do not remember hearing the gunshot nor Matthew’s scream. I felt myself being lowered to into searing ice with a small halo of warmth where Matthew’s skin touched mine.  The breathing of the world came back like someone tuning a radio. Jeffery’s panicked breathing; the crunching of the snow beneath us; my own ragged breathing and the wind blowing softly through the trees. Finally came Matthew’s tears and panic faded into my ears. He sounded like he was calling my name from miles and miles away, as though trying to find me. I found it unfair that the one thing I wanted to be closest to sounded so out of reach.
I heard footsteps crushing the snow. They sounded as though they were coming towards us, towards Matthew to finish him. ‘No-’ I protested feebly but the footsteps turned and ran away from us.
‘Julia! No, Julia, please!’ Matthew sobbed. I opened my eyes and my final six seconds started.  Matthew’s white dress shirt was stained red with blood.  I knew it must be mine but could it all be mine? There was so much blood on his shirt, tainting the innocent snow, on my dress, in my hair. Surely far too much blood for one person. I felt cold spreading from the inside of my body to the outside. The only warmth was what radiated from Matthew’s warm body.
I inhaled cold air that tasted of winter and blood. I knew this is what death must taste like. I raised a trembling hand to Matthew’s warm cheek, ‘Oh Matthew,’ I whispered quietly. With every shuttering sob he released a fog of warm air that tasted like his favorite brand of cigarette. Marlboros. Each fog tasted like life; a life that would never be. A life that I would never greet. A life that would not even meet the sunrise one last time. But I did not regret this. My only regret is leaving Matthew alone. But that would not matter in the morning because he would be alive. ‘How I do love you,’ I said, with a smile. My words tasted like my last kiss; gentle with Marlboro Reds mixed with a hint ginger ale. He buried his tears into my long blond hair now freckled with spots of red. He felt so warm compared to the chill death had left in my own skin. ‘Everything’s fading now…’ I spoke in a broken, already dead voice.
‘No, please, Julia. Don’t die. Please…don’t leave me.’ He begged.
The colors faded together until they became black and I felt a giant weight lifted from my chest. There was a brief moment that felt like I was drowning and then complete weightlessness. I felt Matthew’s lips of soft fire through my sea of ice as he kissed my dying body for the last time. The taste of his breath mixed with the taste of death lingered; no greater thing could I take with me to the afterlife than the taste of life and Matthew.  With this thought I sighed a final breath and closed my eyes and I was dead.




-End-